There are times when you'll work towards a goal that takes
many steps, lots of attention and much patience in order to do well, and
sometimes, when you think you have everything in hand, external circumstances
come along and throw it all out of alignment, even when you only take your eyes
off the prize for a second. It's a highly frustrating experience, more so when
it undoes all the blood, sweat and tears you've poured into it, but that's just
how life can be. It's not a matter of if it happens, but when, and what you do
then defines you'll become as time goes on.
In my case, I tend to throw a mini shit fit, then pick myself
up and push ahead with what's left
As for why, I wasn't a generally expressive kid, and that
allowed a lot of the emotions people tend to express in tiny puffs to build
into a big head of steam ready to emerge at the worst possible
opportunity. Only now, after all the strides
I've made to become something greater than who I am now, have I been able to
put that energy in a positive direction(although I'm still quite susceptible to
moments of inopportune rage). The more I come upon these less than ideal
situations, the more I realize both how much I don't control and how much I do,
the latter growing more and more apparent as my abilities become more
crystallized.
Now that I now what I do control, I've grown a lot more
pissed at people trying to take that away, especially when I know damn well
what I'm doing.
“Why fight so hard, though?” you may be wondering. “You know
that the best way to get things done is to ride the flow and let things resolve
themselves, so what's the point?” I admit to thinking like this more than once
in my life, and more than once have I thrown my hands up in frustration and
felt like nothing I did worked, thinking that maybe the best choice would be to
just give up and let the winds take me wherever they may. I mean, why should
anyone work so hard to achieve a goal that may not even be all it's cracked up
to be and take away more than it give to you?
Because, if all the things I've gained over the years have
taught me anything, it's that the effort pays off, and will always pay off if
you don't let it get away.
It's easy to just take the easy way out of things and lead a
fairly normal life, things such as not allowing yourself to get to close to
other people after a heartbreak in order to avoid further heartbreak, doing
just enough to keep whatever job you have and hate so you can keep the
essentials in order and eating that apple a day to keep the doctor away, even
if it's the only healthy thing you eat all day. Comfort is much easier to
attain if you let yourself be content with what, who and where you are now, but
I certainly can't remember the last time someone broke through and became
something more from a place of comfort.
It's only natural that growth and comfort cannot co-exist,
especially within the human spirit.
Had people been comfortable where they were centuries ago, we
would never have the net, we would never have modern medicine, we would never
have the ability to easily travel the world, the country or even 20 miles
outside of where we were born. Growth can be painful and awkward, sometime
agonizingly so, but the human heart, mind and body are some of the resilient
things this world has to offer, able to patch itself up and grow even stronger
more knowledgeable and more awake after each encounter, even as children still
developing their conception of the world. Only when we embrace those
inevitabilities can we understand how to best use them to help us grow and
shape the course our lives take, knowing that, even if it's precisely what we
envisioned, it will always come to be more than we ever imagined possible.
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