Drawing The Line

One of the most interesting things I've seen is the blurring between what's portrayed over eletronic wires and what's lived away from it. In the past work and home were separate worlds we entered and left as needed, rarely intersecting. These days even the most mundane of our thoughts can be instantly cast out to the world for anyone willing to see. With what comes the possibility of bring forever perpetuated, forever reaping whatever they may bring. Now more than ever the need to develop a face we want the world to see has been made crystal clear, especially with how far reaching our actions can be.

In my wanderings I've witnessed the shocking extent one's electronic life rooted into their reality, to the point where they would feel invalid without it. I know this well for I've also went through this process for many years, my very stability hinging on the words of another. Now I'm rediscovering the way I wish to shape who I am, to both myself and the world. While they'll still be quite intertwined one will not control the other, my first priority is bettering myself and my world. One becomes their best when their strength is allowed to bloom not from without, but from within.

Balancing openness and restraint is a key part of establishing identity, one I'm still coming to grips with. With each passing day I uncover the boundaries between the two worlds and what it means to walk the lines between them. Learning the walk the line is to learn the ebb and flow, better knowing when to drift like a stream and torrent like a waterfall. Through that we shape a more distinctive figure, one we know we're proud to have others follow and one we're more than glad to upkeep. After all who we portray is how others will know us to be, and we do want others to know our best, do we not?

Patiently Waiting

This was my first(and so far only) commissioned work for a client I ran into long ago. If you're interested in commissioning a short story from me, let me know. This also might interest you if you're into Boy's Love kind of stories.

The crimson sun sank into the tree-lined horizon, and night had set into the quiet, cozy park. Street lamps switched on to light the paved walkway, and one shined down onto a bench, where a brown, denim jeans-clad boy sat, a gray hooded sweater covering his slim frame, and pale face. The boy peeked out from under it and moved his black-blond wisps of hair aside, his auburn eyes seeking something in the darkness, as he thought, “Where is he? He said he would come hours ago…” Clutching onto a piece of scribbled paper, he held it close to his chest, thinking to himself, “He even put it in writing, and gave it to me.” He looked down at the paper crumpling in his hands, and whispered, “He wouldn’t break his promise, would he?” He then thought back to earlier that afternoon, when he was sitting at the front gates of his school…

The bell had rung, and students seemed to flood out of the gates, making their way around the strange looking boy on the steps. Someone had yelled out, “Hey, don’t be so sad, there, Emo Boy!” And the boy immediately grew incensed, rising to his feet to raise his voice (and possibly his fist) at them, when somebody hugged him from behind. The boy was stunned still, and into a blushing fit, until he looked back to see a boy in black jeans and a Misfits t-shirt smile back at him, his short, naturally styled black hair framing his delicate looking features, as he said, “I told ya I’d be here, Jacey, poo.” Jacey looked down at his feet, as he said, “Yeah, I know, Chris, you just caught me off guard, is all…” Chris released the hug and shot him a curious glace, saying, “So you told me you had something you wanted to talk to me about?” Jacey hesitantly turned to him, and said, “Yes…I feel like we’ve become more distant since we got together. I mean, when we were still friends, you seemed so much closer, than you are now. Now you’re suddenly busy with your friends, and traveling to all these different places, when I want to go be with you. Is…is there something you’re not telling me?” The smile vanished from Chris’ face when he heard that, and after a moment, he replied, “Well, there are a lot of things I want to tell you, but I don’t think this is the right time, or the right place.” He then reached inside his backpack, and pulled out notebook paper, black folder and a lead pen, scribbling on the paper as he said, “Tell you what. How about we meet here, at this time?” Jacey took the paper Chris offered him and softly repeated what was written on the paper. “Our special place, at around 6 PM…” A weak smile crossed Jacey’s face, as he looked up at him, and said, “Sure, honey, that sounds…” The loud, piercing honk of a black van that pulled up in front of the school interrupted him, and Chris began walking towards the open passenger side door, as he said, “Sorry, Jacey, gotta go practice with my friends now. Just wait for me there, ok?” He lovingly looked at him from inside the van, as he said, “I promise to be there, no matter what.” The door then slammed shut, and Jacey followed the leaving van, proclaiming to him, “I’ll wait as long as I need to, Chris!” Jacey watched, as the van disappeared into the distance, then he folded the paper and put it in his sweater pocket, a stronger smile on his face, as he began walking home…

Jacey glanced at his wristwatch, letting out a heavy sigh and thinking to himself, “It’s already 8, and he still hasn’t come. I’m starting to wonder if he’s even coming, at all.” Looking down at the ground, his body quivered, and shook, as he thought, “It feels like he’s been avoiding me for a long time now, like he’s keeping me away. Why does he want to stay so far from me? Why doesn’t he want me getting too close to him? And why can’t I shake this feeling of resentment I have towards him?” At that moment, a darkly dressed boy fell and landed face first, in front of Jacey. The boy immediately picked himself up, and as Jacey looked at his wispy black hair, and earth brown jacket, and began to recognize it him as Chris. Jacey’s eye almost instantly lit up, and he wrapped his arm around Chris, screaming out, “Oh my goodness, you’re finally here, Chris! I am so glad to see you right now!” Caught off of his guard, Chris awkwardly returned the hug, as he said, “Err, yeah, I’m glad to see you, too, Jacey…” Hearing the hesitancy in his voice Jacey released the hug, giving him a curious glace and asking, “What’s wrong, Chrissy?”

“Well, I already know what you’re gonna ask, so this is kind of hard for me…”

“So you don’t have an answer for me?” Chris took a deep breath, then said, “Well I’ve been thinking about it ever since you asked me at school, and I want to tell you that I’ve been hurt a lot in a the past. By a lot of people I thought I felt safe with, and trusted in. And it hasn’t stopped hurting me for a long time, so, in the end, I guess…I guess I’m afraid of going through that again…”

“You really think I would do that sort of thing to you?”

“I don’t know, and that’s what bothering me. I honestly do love you, and care about you; I…I just have a hard time trusting you. I have a hard time trusting anybody, these days. I…I…” Jacey gave him a soft kiss on the lips, then pulled back, saying to him, “It’s alright, Chrissy, I can understand what you’re going through. I know these things take time, and patience. I just want you to let me help in opening up. I want you to be able to trust in me, and let you know I would never hurt you that way.” Jacey held him closely, and said, “I’ll love you, no matter what, Chrissy.” He looked deep into Chris’ eyes, and asked, “Do you feel the same way about me?” Chris smiled back at him, as he said, “You know I do, Jacey.” They then let themselves drift into a long, passionate kiss, that seemed to last an eternity. After a while, they released it, and Chris asked him, “So what do you want to do now, Jacey?”

“Let’s go somewhere where we can be alone. That is, if that’s ok with you…”


“Of course, Jacey.” He then released the hug, and held his hand, lead him down the walkway, as he said, “Now lets go.” They then strolled down the walkway, and towards somewhere deep within the park, somewhere where they could be seen by no one but themselves. Somewhere where they could be free to do what they wished. Somewhere they could love each other, without restraint.

Housewife's Diary

Something culled from the more sexually repressed side of my writing past. WARNING: strongly sexist. Those offended by stereotypical portrayals of females are not likely to enjoy this character's actions

Yumika Iwamura, Thursday, April 15, 2007 @2:00 AM

Tonight was an interesting and super frantic experience. My husband and I were tongue wrestling on the couch, our passionate moment reached it point of no return as he looked at me with his sapphire blue eyes and said, “Honey, can I ask you something?” Being putty in his arms, of course I said, “Yes, anything…” He smiled gently at me as he asked, “Could you take care of a few things around the house for me? The boss wants to take me out with his bowling buddies bowling tonight. Thanks” Then he got up and walked off.

This time, a few things meant that I had to iron my blouse for tomorrow’s board meeting, cook some premade lasagna for dinner, do the laundry, and pick up the kids from the baby sitter, all within the span of a couple hours. (That’s when I had to go pick up the kids) Man that was frantic, and apparently a good exercise, seeing that I had to keep on the move around the house to manage all four. Yeah, it's a lot of work, but that's what a good wife does right? I know what the family and my husband go through every day, and I know that I can help show them some tender love and care, and ease the stress and tension in their lives. To prevent any unneeded fall out due to me losing something important I stuck my car keys in my back jeans pocket and slung on my tote bag before I did anything, just to have that extra bit of insurance, you know?

Anyways, seeing that everything was going along smoothly, I decided to head out for a moment to get some air. What happens not a moment later? The door shuts behind me. I calmly walk over to open it, and I find out its locked. As I turned and jiggled the knob, several things came to my mind. First, I had mixed up the whites and the coloreds in the laundry loads; second, the lasagna was STILL cooking; and third, the iron was still on and right on top of my blouse.

So I did what any normal person in this situation would do, I panicked and ran around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to find the keys. I looked under the doormat, in the bushes beside the doorway, underneath different rocks in the front yard, and all logical locations of where extra keys should be, and they weren’t in ANY of them.

As I searched around the front and back yards, throwing things here and there and looking for a way inside, I began to think to myself, “Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, this is bad. I can’t find those damn things anywhere!” And as I over turned a table I thought, “Hey! Maybe they’re in my tote bag! It’s the only place they can be, right?”

So I rifle through it and pull up 5 cases of makeup, a comb, some pills, a cell phone, some baby pictures and a business pen from UPS, but no keys! Then I go to the front yard to search again, and I find out the car is gone!

Of course, I should have realized it was gone when my husband was gone, but being hurried tends to lower the rationing functions of the brain, as I’m sure many of you know. So I sit down on the front steps of the house, trying to think of what to do next, when I see smoke wafting out of the kitchen window on my right.

Naturally, when someone sees smoke, they think fire, and when they think fire, they think they have to save what they can, like pictures of our honeymoon and the kids performing and such, so I pick up a rock and get ready to heave it at the window and get inside, which is about the time my husband shows up around the corner in our minivan.

As soon as he gets out of the car, I march towards him; angry as all get out that he left me to do all this crap, and then, outta nowhere he hugs me and says “Thank you for working so hard, Yumika. I know it was a lot and I sure you had a hell of a time doing it all”I felt his warmth and I felt the affection he had for me in that hug, so I naturally melted into his arms and hug him back. Then I feel him cup my buns in his hands, so I naturally blush and smile at him, glad that he’s still as passionate as the day we first met.

Then he pulls something out in front of my eyes and laughs, saying; “You forgot you had your keys in your back pocket again, didn’t you?” He then walks in the house and takes care of everything I had going, and comes out moments later, saying to me, “You sure are a mad woman.” I giggled at him and asked, “So should we eat at home, tonight?”

“Nah, let go pick up the kids and go to Shakey’s.” I got in the passenger side seat of the car, and and watched him pull out of the drive way as he asks, “So what do you wanna order tonight?”

“A couple large pizzas, some Mojo, and a big bucket of chicken, ‘cause you know how much I love my legs and thighs.” He stops the car for a second and looks at me as he says, “Those do tend to be the juiciest parts to nibble on” Both of us grinned like idiots as we drove towards my sisters to pick up the kids.

An Essay for the Dreamers

This is an short form essay from a time long past in my life. Even though I'm much different now from the person who origially penned this somehow it still feels relevant to me, and I hope you feel the same after reading. 

You know, I've been looking at the world for the longest time, and I've noticed a lot of similarities among those things that we do that are considered 'professions.' Toys, newbs, rookies, it’s all the same. You start at the bottom, and you build your way to the top of the ladder. *in case you’re wondering, these are the beginning ranks for Graffiti artists, computer players, and any athlete*

But when you get to the top, when you have the respect you seek, when all you desire is within your grasp, then what? Where do you go from there? What do you do once it’s done? And more importantly, what have you done to get there?

Did you decide to go through the blood, sweat, and tears it takes to get to the top, or did you build your dreams upon the shattered remains of those you have destroyed? Did you use all you have met or your own gain and status, or did you aid them in achieving their own? Did you do what you had to do to make it, or did you do what you wanted to do?

When it's all said and done; when you've accounted for every action you've taken and every decision you've made; when you've considered each and every consequence you’ve experienced, will you look back and say, 'If I had to, I'd go back and do it all again'?

These are choices you must weigh when you decide to pursue a career in any field. When you decide that you're willing to give your energy, you're talent, you're very life to following and building on. And when you're willing to dedicate your time to learning the various subtleties and nuances to the path you have chosen.

It is said that people these days will go through an average of 8 careers before they can decide on the one that suits them best, and that is because they have not been able to see that lies ahead of them and what will lay behind them after the fact. When you head out of high school, when you graduate from college, or even if you're coming home from your 9 to 5 job, at some point, you'll come home and ask yourself these questions, sometimes once, sometimes one hundred times over in your mind.

But what are the answers? What will come when you ask yourself these questions? Will you be content with the answers you obtain? Only you can determine that for yourself. And if you are not satisfied, you have a lifetime it change it, and you have a lifetime to journey for the answers you desire. But in the end, I think the one thing we all want is to be able to look back at everything, then say, "Yeah, I'd gladly do it all again..."