Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Housewife's Diary

Something culled from the more sexually repressed side of my writing past. WARNING: strongly sexist. Those offended by stereotypical portrayals of females are not likely to enjoy this character's actions

Yumika Iwamura, Thursday, April 15, 2007 @2:00 AM

Tonight was an interesting and super frantic experience. My husband and I were tongue wrestling on the couch, our passionate moment reached it point of no return as he looked at me with his sapphire blue eyes and said, “Honey, can I ask you something?” Being putty in his arms, of course I said, “Yes, anything…” He smiled gently at me as he asked, “Could you take care of a few things around the house for me? The boss wants to take me out with his bowling buddies bowling tonight. Thanks” Then he got up and walked off.

This time, a few things meant that I had to iron my blouse for tomorrow’s board meeting, cook some premade lasagna for dinner, do the laundry, and pick up the kids from the baby sitter, all within the span of a couple hours. (That’s when I had to go pick up the kids) Man that was frantic, and apparently a good exercise, seeing that I had to keep on the move around the house to manage all four. Yeah, it's a lot of work, but that's what a good wife does right? I know what the family and my husband go through every day, and I know that I can help show them some tender love and care, and ease the stress and tension in their lives. To prevent any unneeded fall out due to me losing something important I stuck my car keys in my back jeans pocket and slung on my tote bag before I did anything, just to have that extra bit of insurance, you know?

Anyways, seeing that everything was going along smoothly, I decided to head out for a moment to get some air. What happens not a moment later? The door shuts behind me. I calmly walk over to open it, and I find out its locked. As I turned and jiggled the knob, several things came to my mind. First, I had mixed up the whites and the coloreds in the laundry loads; second, the lasagna was STILL cooking; and third, the iron was still on and right on top of my blouse.

So I did what any normal person in this situation would do, I panicked and ran around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to find the keys. I looked under the doormat, in the bushes beside the doorway, underneath different rocks in the front yard, and all logical locations of where extra keys should be, and they weren’t in ANY of them.

As I searched around the front and back yards, throwing things here and there and looking for a way inside, I began to think to myself, “Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, this is bad. I can’t find those damn things anywhere!” And as I over turned a table I thought, “Hey! Maybe they’re in my tote bag! It’s the only place they can be, right?”

So I rifle through it and pull up 5 cases of makeup, a comb, some pills, a cell phone, some baby pictures and a business pen from UPS, but no keys! Then I go to the front yard to search again, and I find out the car is gone!

Of course, I should have realized it was gone when my husband was gone, but being hurried tends to lower the rationing functions of the brain, as I
m sure many of you know. So I sit down on the front steps of the house, trying to think of what to do next, when I see smoke wafting out of the kitchen window on my right.

Naturally, when someone sees smoke, they think fire, and when they think fire, they think they have to save what they can, like pictures of our honeymoon and the kids performing and such, so I pick up a rock and get ready to heave it at the window and get inside, which is about the time my husband shows up around the corner in our minivan.

As soon as he gets out of the car, I march towards him; angry as all get out that he left me to do all this crap, and then, outta nowhere he hugs me and says
Thank you for working so hard, Yumika. I know it was a lot and I sure you had a hell of a time doing it allI felt his warmth and I felt the affection he had for me in that hug, so I naturally melted into his arms and hug him back. Then I feel him cup my buns in his hands, so I naturally blush and smile at him, glad that he’s still as passionate as the day we first met.

Then he pulls something out in front of my eyes and laughs, saying; “You forgot you had your keys in your back pocket again, didn’t you?” He then walks in the house and takes care of everything I had going, and comes out moments later, saying to me, “You sure are a mad woman.” I giggled at him and asked, “So should we eat at home, tonight?”

“Nah, let go pick up the kids and go to Shakey’s.” I
got in the passenger side seat of the car, and and watched him pull out of the drive way as he asks, “So what do you wanna order tonight?”

“A couple large pizzas, some Mojo, and a big bucket of chicken, ‘cause you know how much I love my legs and thighs.” He stops the car for a second and looks at me as he says, “Those do tend to be the juiciest parts to nibble on” Both of us grinned like idiots as we drove towards my sisters to pick up the kids.


  1. As always, I deeply appreciate you comments and thoughts. What an interesting entry you have here, you have enough material on your blog to definitely make a book would you say?

  2. I possibly do have enough here and stored away in my back log waiting to be posted, in addition to the novel I'm working on. Why do you ask, Miss Angela?