They say that you can't control what happens, only how you react to it. Well, as of this writing, I'll soon be bound to lose the house the family's lived in for 3 years because my sister and the person who owns it couldn't come to any sort of agreement, with my next destination seeming to be the garage of one of my mom's friends. At first, I absolutely detested the idea, but really, once I took inventory of the time spent here and the seeming endless friction between both sides in this situation, such a conclusion almost seemed inevitable, no matter how financially well off we could've grown to be, so for me, the real concern was that I was being launched head first into the real world without anything to fall back on or any localized social network to work with and try to get things going. That much I take the blame on, since my the network I do have now has largely relied on technology and long distance communication to maintain and strengthen, thus creating minimal to no urgency to befriend the people immediately around me
This likely helped contribute to feeling the most lost and uncertain of what tomorrow may bring I've ever felt, more so if the scenario plays out, and me and my mom are left to figure out how to make ends meet.
Really, though, I know I've been slow on seeking out the employ that would provide me a chance to achieve the kind of independent life I've yearned for for years, and a large of part of that comes from the fear of falling and having to hit absolute rock bottom, the kind that makes people doubt whether or not it's even worth trying to get up and try again. Emotionally, I know I can do it, as I've done it time and again, but practically, I've always thought I had yet to gain the acumen needed to live well within my means and understand how to make my resources work for me, a belief that's likely fed the comfort coma cycle that convinces many that even the effort is not worth committing such time and sweat to. My friends have been there for me for years trying to convince me otherwise, and they played a large part in me wanting to improve myself and better how I approach the practical side of life, a desire that still burns strong within me.
It's because of them I believe that even through I don't yet have any of the resources I think I need to create the kind of life I desire, I know I'll make it happen, and will take the needed steps to do it-even if it does mean having to start at absolute zero.
Ever since high school I've wanted a life other than the one I had, and I silently resented all my peers who seemed to fall into what they needed to live how they wanted to-more so if they were on the higher end of the social ladder and didn't have to worry about things like rolling an ankle or how to pay a hospital bill for a gurney ride and x-rays I never needed, but had to take, because the ambulance someone called after I was socked in the schnoz wouldn't take no for an answer. It's that desire that lead to me becoming more bold about how I approach life and less tolerant of wishy washy behavior, which I know has made my life much richer than I would've had otherwise. I don't know if this means I'll have to pay more visits to the local food banks or if I'll have to take odd jobs to try and bring some stability to my world, but whatever it takes to get there, I will do to get there, because for the first time in my life, I can look myself in the mirror and say, "I'm not afraid to hit the bottom"