Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Pixelated Anger

This piece is another trip in the Wayback machine, when my outlook was a lot less positive and a lot less world wise. Thus you may note more than a hint of darkness when you read it. Or not. Give it a read and see if you agree

Sachiko Mihama, November 12, 2005@10:00 PM

I...I still can't believe what happened to me tonight. Everything I worked so hard to attain; every single piece of rare goods in my inventory is all gone. And why? Because I put my faith in a lover. And the worst part of it is, that he’s gonna do it again, to a very dear friend of mine. Guess that'll show me better, eh? If you're wondering HOW that is possible, let me take you back to the beginning, to after school on the front steps, 3 months ago...

I had just found out from my then boyfriend of 12 months that he didn't feel a connection in our relationship, and decided to break up with me. Naturally, knowing his kind, helpful, and overall gentle nature, and knowing I'll never get to experience that again, I was devastated. I sat on the front steps of my school and bawled my eyes out for everyone to see...including Fred. He walked up behind me and asked, "What’s wrong?" Of course I said, "Nothing..." And he sat down next to me and started to talk to me, and boy did he have a way with words. By the time 2 hours had passed, he made me laugh, he made me feel good, and he helped me begin to move on from the heartache...and I began to fall for him.

I'll never forget his face; those soft and gentle blue eyes; his spiky blond hair; and those slim framed glasses that seemed to enhance his gaze, which I now know was going nowhere near my face. I'll never forget how much he did for me, taking me out on the town, to movies, to concerts, and to places I've never been before. I'll never forget how much I gave him, either. In those days, I was putty in his hands, and I would have done anything he asked of me, and I did, giving him money (both in game and real world) items, and probably my most precious possession a month after I knew him. I'll give you a hint, it meant a lot more than that sword I lost, and it CAN'T be bought back in the Marketplace. Although back then, I could’ve cared less.

Back then; I thought I was giving myself to someone who wouldn’t do me wrong; who wouldn’t treat me like garbage; who would see me as a person to be loved and held, not an object to be used and thrown away. But then, that night I lost my innocence, when we seemed one with each other, and our bodies pulsed with pleasure, I called out his name, and he called out my username. (That would be Fujiko-sama, for those that are wondering) It was then I knew that things were about to go downhill.

After that night, he rarely returned my calls, he didn’t talk to me in school, and he didn’t even look in my direction. But I knew he was also busy with school, and that he was in a lot of advanced computer classes, so I waited; and waited, and waited, and I would remain someplace for hours at a time, if I knew he was going to come, which he never did.

It was like this for 2 weeks, then, I got a PM in one of my mules from my main account that said, “I never loved you, and the only reason I even talked to you was because I saw your picture in your profile. And thanks for your password, your items’ll fetch a ton in the marketplace. :D And please, don’t talk to me again, ok? Kthxbai


I checked my main account, and sure enough, it’s as bare as the day I started. Then, I walked over to my bed, laid face down into a pillow and cried until I could cry no more, which leads up to now, where tears are still flowing down my face.

As I write this, I wipe my tears on my sleeve and try to keep them from hitting the bat in my lap, (courtesy of one of my guy friends on the Baseball team) and smearing the papers that contain Fred’s whereabouts at this time of night. (Also courtesy of a friend of mine) Tonight, I felt great and long lasting pain. Tonight, I felt the betrayal of someone I thought I could put my trust in. Tonight, I’m gonna make sure that he doesn’t do it again, and that my friend will never feel the pain I feel. I just hope this baywood bat don’t turn into redwood…

1 comment:

  1. tears hitting the bat, really enjoying the juxtaposition of fragility strength, even some camaraderie (friend's bat), maybe revenge?

    Great stuff, keep em comin