Learning to Start from the Bottom

They say that you can't control what happens, only how you react to it. Well, as of this writing, I'll soon be bound to lose the house the family's lived in for 3 years because my sister and the person who owns it couldn't come to any sort of agreement, with my next destination seeming to be the garage of one of my mom's friends. At first, I absolutely detested the idea, but really, once I took inventory of the time spent here and the seeming endless friction between both sides in this situation, such a conclusion almost seemed inevitable, no matter how financially well off we could've grown to be, so for me, the real concern was that I was being launched head first into the real world without anything to fall back on or any localized social network to work with and try to get things going. That much I take the blame on, since my the network I do have now has largely relied on technology and long distance communication to maintain and strengthen, thus creating minimal to no urgency to befriend the people immediately around me

This likely helped contribute to feeling the most lost and uncertain of what tomorrow may bring I've ever felt, more so if the scenario plays out, and me and my mom are left to figure out how to make ends meet.

Really, though, I know I've been slow on seeking out the employ that would provide me a chance to achieve the kind of independent life I've yearned for for years, and a large of part of that comes from the fear of falling and having to hit absolute rock bottom, the kind that makes people doubt whether or not it's even worth trying to get up and try again. Emotionally, I know I can do it, as I've done it time and again, but practically, I've always thought I had yet to gain the acumen needed to live well within my means and understand how to make my resources work for me, a belief that's likely fed the comfort coma cycle that convinces many that even the effort is not worth committing such time and sweat to. My friends have been there for me for years trying to convince me otherwise, and they played a large part in me wanting to improve myself and better how I approach the practical side of life, a desire that still burns strong within me.

It's because of them I believe that even through I don't yet have any of the resources I think I need to create the kind of life I desire, I know I'll make it happen, and will take the needed steps to do it-even if it does mean having to start at absolute zero.

Ever since high school I've wanted a life other than the one I had, and I silently resented all my peers who seemed to fall into what they needed to live how they wanted to-more so if they were on the higher end of the social ladder and didn't have to worry about things like rolling an ankle or how to pay a hospital bill for a gurney ride and x-rays I never needed, but had to take, because the ambulance someone called after I was socked in the schnoz wouldn't take no for an answer. It's that desire that lead to me becoming more bold about how I approach life and less tolerant of wishy washy behavior, which I know has made my life much richer than I would've had otherwise. I don't know if this means I'll have to pay more visits to the local food banks or if I'll have to take odd jobs to try and bring some stability to my world, but whatever it takes to get there, I will do to get there, because for the first time in my life, I can look myself in the mirror and say, "I'm not afraid to hit the bottom"

Trusting the Flow of Info

I haven't been around long in this world, but I can safely say that my journey has shown me wisdom most either never encounter, or never take into themselves, like the courage it takes to put everything on the line in pursuit of something you desire-even if it could mean your life, as it did for the woman who helped me become the man I am today. Because of her, I found a world of wonder, a world of riches, a world I likely never would've approached if my hormones weren't dragging me into it by the scruff of my neck. I may not learn something amazing everyday, if anything of significance even bubbles within my subconscious before the day is done, but these past few years have been some of the most amazing experiences I've had in my life, each one letting me become that much better of a person.

In time, however, any amount of deep knowledge begs the question, “What'cha plan to plan to do with all that, eh?”

This is often the key moment that decides whether people choose to let their knowledge become something brilliant, or just the largest shiny bauble in the gallery of them we collect while we live our lives and try and live to see another day. The concentration of a person's depth of knowledge paired with whatever innate talent they have takes that brilliance and turns it into something they distribute to those around in whatever fashion they choose, whether it's painting on walls for free or charging $40 a pop for someone to have that work for themselves. This has followed me for as long as I could remember, and I thought that the very first book I wrote would make me into some sort of J.K. Rowling-sized mega millionaire writer, ignorant of the path she traveled for years to first survive, then, when the cards were in her hand, play them well, so she could thrive

Time has taught me, however, that there's far more to using concentrated brilliance than it's role as a bargaining chip or product to hawk.

The times and tech have evolved to the point where its vastly easier to share that concentrated brilliance than ever before, making $40 for a piece you turned out in the span of a week, charging per hour to let others see you do what you on camera, or asking for donations for the same thing, among countless other services out there, even in a more traditional media setting, like performing a tune at the Santa Monica Pier. Likewise, there are those who say that when you get smart or talented enough at something, they think themselves better or more sophisticated than someone else, especially when they charge money for it, and wish to make others compensate them to taking the time to lend them their concentrated brilliance. It's happened time and again, and likely will continue to as long as ego continues to convince them that the best way to go is to make sure they compensate you before anything takes place; of course, the more one lets go of ego and can rely on other means to facilitate basic needs, another truth starts to emerge

To gain the total support and trust of your fan base, you must be willing to trust that they, through whatever means they have, will lend you their support, especially on the financial front

It's a very large risk to take, as it requires not only letting go of the ego that's guided you all this, but also leaving yourself open to the possibility of them doing what they will with the work and not give you a dime in return for all the blood, sweat and tears you've invested in the project. In time, as more experience is gained, this trust in the people who enjoy your work will grow, and forge avenues much different than if you just made them open up their wallets to give you some backup. It is tough, yes, but it's my belief that when you let the concentrated brilliance flow at will, people will be more willing to put their money when their mouth is. Making them pay ensures you get the support that one time; trusting them to show their financial support ensures they'll keep giving it to you for as long as you uphold the unspoken contract you forge with them about it.  

Kitsune Santa

To commemorate the season, I've decided to post one of my early, hormone fueled, very Japan-o-phile-centric works. If you like it, let me know in the comments!

 On a blustery winter night, a young woman walked down Japan's paradise for the 1%, the Ginza, as she juggled the armful of dolls and electronics. Her breaths like smoker's puffs, she thought to herself "Wow, I got lucky today. I know the kids'll love the WiiU, but if my hubby can't be happy about the new Camera I got him, I swear I'll slap the taste out of his mouth" The sound of boots crushing the powdery snow approached from all around, a cocky voice calling out, "Yo, that's some nice stuff you got there, gook. Why don't you let the natives have it?"

"I might, if you know what the square root of 484 is." Stopped in their tracks for a moment, the young punks scratched their heads, with the spiky, green haired leader finally saying, "That doesn't matter! The only math that does matter is that there's 5 of us, one of you, and a lot of goodies to be gained..." As those behind her rushed headlong, a cane decked in white and spiraling red hooked their reaching hands away. A mighty blow sent the hoodlums flying and both the remaining kids, and the mother looked, to see a Santa suit clad woman standing before them, her silver mane flowing in the breeze, as she addled towards the group's lead. Her ember eyes peered at him, as she said, "Stealing from a mom on a Christmas shopping run? That's is l-o-w, low."

"So? You do what you gotta do, when you don't got nothing." Her fox tail swaying underneath her skirt, the girl brushed snow from her porcelain face.

"Nothing? What of your family, your friends, your cherished ones? Are they meaningless to you, as well? Is their love less valuable than that WiiU, in her bag?"

"Anyone ever told you, you talk too much, freak?" With a sneer, she glanced over at her handcuffed and underwear dressed companion beside her, and said, "Miki! Take the mom away from here. I'd hate to damage the goods, after all." The short haired girl took the mother by the hand, and lead her out of danger. Seeing this, the foxgirl held the cane half way with one hand and extended the other.

Passion and Profits

“Do what you love, and the money will follow,” a saying often repeated in mantra-like repetition by those who want to make what they love doing and what keeps the essentials taken care of coincide. The reality of that saying, however, is that the ability of having what you love to do pay the bills is connected to how easily others can do it, whether they're willing to fund it, and the amount of talent it takes to do it at a high level. This reality is something all of us face at least once in our lives, and is often what drives many to take the “safe” jobs, while their true ambitions are left on the back burner. For some, their loves become their off work hobbies, while others leave it to gather dust, both of them left to wonder what could be, if they ever summon the needed guts to risk it all. It's a cruel abstract, and to help clarify it, I'd like to tell the stories of the girl who loves Basketball, the boy who wants to help others heal their hearts, and the girl who wanted to run her own arcade, who, for simplicity sake, I'll refer to as Danni, Shannon and Alex.

The Importance of Professionalism

As I grow my capabilities and expand my methods of refining my knowledge, one of the things I've focused on more is professional behavior, whether it's for a 9-5 grind or for my personal projects that few might ever see. I knew this became more important to me when a consultant I worked with did nearly nothing to help me gain insight on the project I picked them, personally, for, and eventually gave me nothing but silence, even after repeated efforts to understand their situation. That month and similar instances that came afterward, felt like one of the biggest wastes of potential I've ever experienced, and in time consumed me in how utterly that person failed me in even the basic aspects I outlined for them. After it was all said and done, and I moved on to search for more voices for the project, something came to form the more I saw similar things in both myself and people around me:

No matter how talented, experienced or pretty you are, you won't get a lot done if you aren't professional about what you want to get done.

In my past, I've also been rather unprofessional in my commitments, and because of that, many projects I started on stalled out and never grew into what they could and should have become. Those experiences have let me realize what can happen if one doesn't fully commit, and over time I've worked towards becoming the kind of man that can commit to something, no matter how hard it is, how long it goes on or how little assistance I have on it. In the long run, I know this will let be far more than I can currently imagine, just as I couldn't imagine being as knowledgeable as I am today back in my high school days, when my understanding of Japan was a mile wide and an inch deep. In the same respect, I know better that as this will benefit my personal projects, I know it will benefit me, personally, and raise me far above my current station.

I mean hell, if being an unfocused, lazy punk got me this knowledge, imagine how much my finances will jump when I get my focus on.

That said, I know that I can't let people's tendencies and broken promises throw me off and make me drop whatever I'm doing to sit there and pout, for that would be the ultimate in unprofessional-ism. No matter how they may act with me, or treat our transactions, or straight up brush off our commitments, I have to maintain my stride and press onwards, because I know that if I act a fool, even if I'm not a Twitter, facebook or whatever social media is the new hotness, the eyes around me will always be on me consuming everything I do and say; if I want to create the kind of product I know I can make, I always have to put my best foot forward, no matter how that may make me feel while I'm doing it.

I mean unless your career is built around being unprofessional, then it will do nothing but come back to bite you in the ass over, and over, and over, and over.

If they reach a milestone, I will congratulate them, if they need someone to talk to, I always offer a listening ear, if they need my counsel on various matters, I always offer what my wisdom will allow; just because they sucked at working with me doesn't put them beyond receiving such basic kindness and consideration, and never will. The moment that becomes a part of my mindset, I'll know a crucial part of who I choose to be has failed and will soon lead me down a downward spiral if I don't ship up and shape up damn soon. In my estimation, the consummate professional always gives those who work with them their absolute best and make sure the end product is of the highest quality to be delivered precisely when it was promised, no matter what emotional turmoil they may be going through at the time.

This is why doctors stay those long nights at the hospital to ensure patients get the best care, even if they're practically coughing up blood when they're on the job.

Accepting Reliable Unreliability

I'd like to think I'm a pretty patient guy who does everything possible to understand why people do what they do, and because of that, I've been able to gain insights and knowledge I never would've found if I kept flipped my lid at the drop of a hat; when it comes to working with people on projects and otherwise relying on them for something I need, however, that patience is immediately and constantly put through the ringer. If I'm waiting for a ride somewhere and they say they'll be there at 4PM, I expect them to be there at 4PM, not 4:01, not 4:10, not 4:30, and most certainly not 5PM; the later they are on their promise, the more my anger bubbles under the surface, more so when they altogether fail to deliver on their promise.

I can't really say I can get down with people who can't or won't deliver, no matter who they are.

In all honesty, though, I'm not exactly Mr. All Clutch All The Time, and if it isn't immediately pressing, it doesn't become that much of an issue, sometimes even slipping my mind completely and leading me to move on with my day. I imagine that those expecting me to deliver get as pissed off as I do when it doesn't happen, so whenever I'm counted on to, I do whatever my resources allow to ensure that it either happens or goes above and beyond what they asked, as I ask of those I work with. Admittedly, I have rather high standards for the people I work with and befriend, and as they've lead me to come upon quality people and craft quality products, so have they lead me to massive disappointment when they're not met.

In fact, many I've approached about the subject suggest that I'll lead a happier and less stressful life if I just lower the bar.

I can certainly see the validity behind that notion, but I have trouble with considering lowering the standards that've gotten me so much in my life and have brought so much richness to how I do things everyday. They do say that if ain't broke, don't fix it, but I know that I can do so much more and be so much more than what I am today if I'm willing to tinker with my routine and let uncertainty and potential failure become a greater part of my everyday life, as even the safest existence can be ended by one slip or one misfortune. Does that mean I must accept not hearing from people I work with for days at a time, though? Does that mean I must accept people being gravely late for an appointment or not showing up at all? Does that mean I must accept that things could be far from what I expect them to be, whether that's for worse or for better?

I guess that means I must accept that people aren't robots, but people, with their own lives, foibles and ways of doing things

I suspect that, even if my current perception deems it asinine, the more I accept this fact, the more I'll find success and friendship, no matter how long I must live on the edge of a knife to make it happen. I know I wouldn't want to work with someone to treated me like shit every time I didn't meet some vaguely defined mark, and going easier on the throttle will probably make me a better overall workmate, which in turn will produce a better end product. If nothing else, I'll probably have a few more years with my hair and youthful features the more I let the little stuff go and let people do as they do, only cracking the whip when there's something crucial on the line. That doesn't mean I won't get pissed off when aren't as timely in their responses or don't live up to their end of the bargain-I've got more than enough rage for everybody who does that, but it does mean that I'll be able to pick up the slack whenever they do drop the ball and get things done.

Just because they fail to do something doesn't mean the whole damn thing should fail because of it, and come hell or high water, I'll make sure it doesn't

On the Endless Cycle of Creation

Creativity is one of the most subjective things in the world, always dynamic and always changing according to the context it's created in, used in and evaluated by; because of this, one man's wrong may be another's right, and vice versa. Those who think there's only one value system on which to fit something into are those who've yet to understand the diversity and depth out in the world beyond their circle of comfort, nor do they know of the two aspects of it which create this diversity and allow it to thrive to this day: the science and the art.

Even there's only one way to skin a cat, there are endless ways for people to determine how, when and why that cat is skinned.

Take, for example, the oft misunderstood style of Cubism. People who look upon it often hold it to the ability of art to render the human form and nature through the the understanding of shape, color and light and scoff at its apparent failure to do so. They see a work portraying the suffering incurred at Guernica and think “What the hell's with these faces? Where's the color? What the hell is this even saying? My 5 year old can do better than this crap” They only see the science of art creation, they do not see the art of questioning why there has to color, why it has to perfectly depict the forms or why it has to be easy to digest.

In asking those questions, their thoughts go towards “Why does it have to be that way? This way seems much more interesting and fun to do”

So goes the continual cycle of rebellion, innovation and establishment, Pollack making things that would make Van Gogh wretch and Slayer making music that Elvis would snap in half while he proclaims it to be trash. Really, when people say “Down with the establishment!” they mean “Up with ours!”, a cycle that will go on after the grandchildren of our grandchildren draw their final breath in the presence of their grandchildren. Because of all that, people will continue to enjoy tastier foods, more thought provoking art and better machinery for generations to come.

No one may know where the envelope is being pushed to, but we progress knowing that it is being pushed.

Whether one learns about the principles set by noted creatives of times long past or creates their own, once they have a science and system to work with, they can then work with it to see where it can be strengthened, where it can be enhanced, where it can be nurtured to the next level. Once they get there? Then they do it all over again and push their craft to places unknown, with the results and their future on about the same footing. It may seem like needless busywork, but it's because of that process that people go from the glider to the propeller plane, and from the propeller plane to the jumbo jet, and from the jumbo jet to Apollo 13, and with each sky high achievement, the results tickle down to the everyday person and make their lives that much easier and nifty.

It wasn't that long ago that having just a library in your pocket was considered on the same level as Cold Fusion.

To those who cannot see the world as you do, your new fangled ideas are a bunch of nonsense, because to them, all those things just don't add up, but how times has that been said of the telephone, the internet, the very idea that gravity exists? If it succeeds, then it'll shift the way things are done and the world will be that richer for the contribution; it if fails, then it was a way to flex your creative muscle, encourage you to go beyond your limits and become that better, so then really, aside from your shame and reputation, what do you have to lose?